This is something I wrote my senior year of high school and published on Facebook. I was going through a difficult time with friends and school, so I wrote this.
Original Published Date: 12/21/08 @9:41pm
Today will be a long day,
But as I endure all of the cruelties of the world,
I will remember…
“As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, For thou art with me…”
So today when I walk out that front door,
I know you will be there to guide me
through all the paths that will lead me to and from my goals and aspirations.
As I shake hands with all my enemies,
you will be there with me
to help me understand why they don’t understand me.
And when I return home in the evening,
when I’m tired and weary,
you will be there to comfort me.
Lord God, today will be a long day,
but thank you for covering each mile with me.
Everyday you will meet someone who will want something from you or want you to be someone you are not, and you may not be able to do it, but you will try your best. YOUR BEST ISNT GOOD ENOUGH. How dare you not deliver what is asked of you? How dare you have flaws? What is your purpose?
The world is not your friend and many of your friends are not truly your friends. When you see a smile, remember there are teeth in that smile that sooner or later will come back to bite you. You can put your all into whatever, but life is full of little disappoints. They come from friends, family, mentors, teachers, and society. So what do you do when someone disappoints you?
“Let them apologize, and then you forgive and forget.” My mom told me that today. And I told her, “Don’t worry I will forgive and forget, but I can never go back to the way it was. For Better or for worse, I can’t bring myself to go back.”
It wasn’t even real or that’s how I feel today. Growing up is hard but then again no one said it would be easy, right?
I don’t know how to feel, kind of feels like the end even though I don’t want it to be but do I really want to have to go through this again?
And why just me, no one else thought to bring up their own flaws? Of course not, because you are all perfect. Maybe if i’m the cause of everything, I need to let you all go because it’s better to leave behind, then to get hurt and left behind.
My New Year’s Resolution, is to let go and let God, because this year when I decided to handle everything myself, I got stressed, and lost myself, my friends, and my focus. There are two types of people who I will choose to surround myself with this year; family and enemies. Friends use to be important but I honestly need more than that in the upcoming year. In 2009, I want to find myself and in order to do that I need FAITH and STRENGTH. My enemies will make me stronger through battle and my family will help me acquire strength through understanding and responsibility. Family to me is more than just blood, it’s the people whose loyalty lies in me and the people in which my loyalty lie; people who are trustworthy and honest and who will always accept me FLAWS AND ALL. On Saturday, I will be begin leaving my childish ways behind, in my last childhood celebration and embark on a new journey to become the honest, loyal, trustworthy, respectful, and hardworking young women I know I can be.
APOLOGY and FORGIVENESS
Before I can even begin to fulfill my New Year’s Resolution, I need to get some things out of the way. First, I would like to take the time to apologize to anyone who I may have hurt, upset, or put down in the past. I honestly feel terrible because now I know how it feels and it wasn’t fair for me to do that to you. I know this doesn’t make up for everything I have said or did, but I can’t reach everyone personally, so this is the best I’ve got.
Second, I want to forgive everyone who has every hurt me, upset me, or put me down, I don’t think it was fair for you to do that to me but what’s done is done and I can change it, we just have to get past it because grudges are exhausting and most of my relationships are much worth much more than the argument.
I am not the same person I was a year ago, a month ago, or even this morning, so stop looking for those people in me. Everyday a new event will change me or my outlook on life; that doesn’t make me unpredictable, that makes me REAL. Hopefully everyone can accept the new me otherwise, you will just have to deal with it.